How to use picture books to talk about big feelings

A cup is the wrong colour. The tower falls over. It is time to leave just as the game gets good. What looks small from the outside can feel enormous to the child in the middle of it.

When I write for young children, I want to leave room for that difference. A child does not need a story to tell them that their feelings are inconvenient. They need characters worth caring about, words they can try on and a grown-up willing to stay curious.

If you are looking for picture books about big feelings, the way you share a book matters as much as the title you choose. Here is a gentle place to start.

Choose a story, not a test

Look for a book your child wants to open: an interesting picture, a familiar everyday moment or a character they already love. A story about disappointment, uncertainty or trying again can invite a conversation without announcing a lesson.

You do not need to choose the book that exactly matches today’s upset. Sometimes a little distance is welcome. Reading about somebody else can leave your child free to notice things without feeling that the whole conversation is about their behaviour.

Begin when there is room to listen

A difficult moment does not have to become storytime immediately. If your child is upset, put their immediate comfort and safety first. You can return to the book later, on the sofa, after a snack or during a quiet patch in the day.

I like the invitation, “Shall we see what happens to this character?” It asks for company. It does not demand an explanation or an apology.

Try one small question

Raising Children Network includes reading and imaginative play among its ideas for exploring preschoolers’ emotions. You can start with the pictures and let your child’s interest guide what happens next.

• “What do you notice about their face?”
• “What might they be feeling here?”
• “What could someone say to help?”
• “Would you like to stay on this page?”

One question may be plenty. Your child might answer with a word, point to something, act out a face or turn the page. There is no need to correct an unexpected interpretation. You can say, “You think they’re worried. I wondered about that too.”

Let the character carry the conversation

Try to resist the tempting leap from “Zoe feels cross” to “just like you did this morning”. A child may make that connection themselves. If they do, listen. If they do not, the story can remain a story.

You can offer language without asking for a confession: “Disappointed is a word for when something doesn’t turn out the way you hoped.” Leave room for your child to agree, disagree or move on.

Take one idea into play

Afterwards, invite a favourite soft toy into the story. Perhaps the toy has lost its pretend picnic or wants a turn with a truck. Ask what might happen next. Draw a face together, make a tiny paper home for the character or simply reread the page your child liked.

These are invitations, not activities to complete. Some days the most useful ending is closing the book and sitting together for another minute.

A book to share with Zoe and Pierre

Zoe and the Big Feeling is a picture book for children aged approximately 3–7 to share with a grown-up. You can look inside before choosing it. For a few questions to keep beside your reading spot, download the free Little Storytime Guide.

Books make space for conversation; they cannot promise to resolve an ongoing difficulty. If your child’s feelings are regularly making everyday life hard, a conversation with their educator or a qualified health professional can help you work out what support fits.

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